Options.

For my future life, a career, what happens after special schooling.
Currently, I'm in line for a BA in English, then possibly a Master's.
I could change that. To Mathematics.
Or, I could become a doctor.
For awhile, I wanted to be a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, but somewhere along the road, I decided to just go with English--it was always one or the other. The psychology part never had anything to do with helping people, it was always about learning how the mind works, what motivates people to do the things they do, an insight to the inner workings and a puzzle to unwravel. Now, I'm completely different.
Now I have a hero complex. I want to save people. Every abandoned child, every lonely adult, all the starving, homeless, abused, alone, sad person in the entire world. Every dying thing. Nothing lives forever, though. I've always been logical about it, I've stuck to my reason and my science, but I've put all the emotion I could into it as well. Now, I would like to be the one running in my scrubs, bursting through those doors and being the last person the one on the table sees before they're all better.
To know I've given them more time, to know I've kept a family and friends from one of the saddest things people go through. I am very hypocritcal at times. I've written an entire short story emphasizing lack of empathy, especially in a furturistic setting where cloning has become possible, where everyone seems to be an existentialist. Am I still an existentialist? I believe there's nothing after this life, that nothing happens when you die, that there's just no great power. There is no real meaning to life--it was all just coincidence how everything came to be. So I guess I still am, only I just don't want anyone else to see it all that way. To stop caring and to just go along with everything that happens no matter how great or small.

So, about that whole becoming a doctor thing. That makes me so happy.