it's almost over!

Random image is just that: random. I felt like having something cute, possibly colorful, to put in this post, just for a little jazz.


It feels like everything is over; but I still have a math final tomorrow. I'm just really hoping I don't forget about it. But after that, it's freedom for a few months (or maybe only one).


And to celebrate the end, another year to tack onto my life, another year closer to death. Probably. I don't know why I feel so morbid at this moment. I'm hoping the day will go well. It doesn't seem like such a big day anymore. I'm at the point where I hope he calls me. Or just shows me some life, so I know he's not dead. I miss him. I want him. I love him. I really miss having someone to talk to about absolutely everything, someone to fall asleep on the phone with, and think about all day. I can't think about him anymore--it's just sad. Anyway, I'm debating going to Fuji Hana alone, or with Stephanie. I was really craving it today, but she was sick, and my mother was gone for hours (not that she'd go with me, but we could have at least gone out).


I know I want to go on my birthday. I feel like going alone might be nice. Bring along American Psycho? Or a notebook, perhaps? I could go with Stephanie. But I feel like it's a lie. I'm becoming such a recluse, and I don't mind it one bit. I just want school to be over with, so I can focus completely on doing nothing. I can't even relax, because I'm constantly checking my email to see if there's news from anyone--which, by the way, there isn't. Even though I would consider myself an artist (not professionaly, but I do a lot of artsy things), I do not fit in with artists. I may be laid-back, but if you tell someone something is going to be done by a certain time, I just feel like it should be done by that time.

Thank you.